You know what, I miss my old friends. The kind of friends who is not amazingly obsess with boys and sexual stuff. I feel disgusted of myself right now. Let me tell you one thing, I am not desperate to have a relationship not because I am thinking like a kid, because I don't want to. Yet. It is impossible to say that I don't want to feel what does it feel like to be love by someone, other than your family and friends. I do, but not like that. I am not a person who will randomly find a guy on social network, or hook up with someone's anak ikan. I don't do that. I will have a relationship with a guy that I believe that I can be committed with and love him with all my heart. Someday.

Secondly, I hate being exposed to something that I dislike. I am a big girl who have a mentality of a child. I know that, and I also know that I am a naive person. But they do not have the rights to judge my personality. I may be naive, but I am not an idiot. I am not the kind of person who wants to learn about sexual stuff at the age of 18. I know what sex is, and I don't need extra information about it. I will learn about it slowly. Don't force me to understand something that disgust me the most. I am not married, why should we be talking about first night that detail? I feel like giving a big slap to you, my friend. Please, let me enjoy teenage mind as I want. I hate being judge for not exploring the world. Dude, I am just 18. Not 81. There're big things waiting for me in the future. In shaa Allah, if He agrees, I will explore the world step by step if I could live long enough. Please, let me be.