Huda, my dear.

You are beautiful. Inside and out. Awak tau tak, everytime kita cerita pasal awak punya peminat kat parents kita, they said awak patut pakai niqab. Reserve the beauty for the one who deserve it.
You should be more confident in yourself! Be who you want to be as long as it is on the right path.

Huda, jangan jadikan perkara tu sebagai pelemah semangat awak. Kalau ummi awak tau awak jadi macam ni sebab dia, mesti dia kecewa dengan awak. Yes, rasanya kalau kita kat depan awak sekarang ni, mesti awak dah bash kita, cakap yang kita tak faham. Yes, memang kita tak tahu how to handle loss of a love one, but kita tahu yang awak saaaaangat rindukan ummi awak. Kita faham sangat perasaan rindu tu. And my only way to help you on this is by sending her your prayers everyday. If you miss her, awak amik wudhuk and solat. And after that, share with Allah. He knows you better than anyone. Even me. And about your siblings, awak patut be more flexible with them dalam share your feelings. I believe, diorang pun rindukan ummi awak, macam awak jugak. Share with them. Cry until your eyes swollen like a panda with them. You will feel much better. In shaa Allah. Don't let negative things make you fall, cause, kalau awak ikut kan sangat perasaan tu, it can lead to depression. I don't want to hear that my friend taking anti-depression pills at a very young age. Please no!

About your friends, it kinda hurts me when you said should I go out with them. Awak, in friendships, there aren't suppose to have any 'should'. We are your friends. It is normal to feel very attached in a friendship, my dear. But, it just that, time never was on our side. But it doesn't mean forever x jumpa kan? Dah, tak mau fikir bukan bukan.
Abour your PALAM friends, it is normal for not being able to mix with a new sets of friend. Ayah kita pernah cakap, as you go outside from high school, you will meet various kinds of people with unique personalities. Therefore, sometimes it advisable to get out from our shell of comfort and involve in a new world. Huda, creating friends is not about likings or dislikes. I am not sure about the iftar, but it is not good untuk buruk sangka about people, okay? Stay positive on this, okay?

Last but not the least, *ceehhh, essay English pulok!* don't ever, I mean never ever ever talk about death again. It is obviously a sign of depression. Tak salah kalau nak ingat mati, lagi dapat pahala adalah, tapi not about suicide. Kalau kita dapat tahu awak cakap pasal ni, kita lepuk awak, pastu bawak awak pegi kaunseling, nak? Muzam should be mad at you. Kalau awak cerita kat kita mesti kita bash awak terus. Takde nak buat style Muzam pujuk awak. Hehehe.. Sedih parents awak kalau awak terus macam ni.

P.S: Sorry for being straight foward. Disebabkan kita rasa keadaan awak kedengaran terlalu bahaya, kita rasa awak perlu dibebel sedikit. Sorry kalau awak terasa. I just can't stand the fact that awak dah start thinking about suicidal. Kita jadi cuak. Please, jangan macam ni, Huda.